it's been too long. . .

So much has happened since my last blog, it seems impossible how things can change so fast.

I went to Wake Med North on May 19th because I didn't feel good all weekend. I also knew my heart was racing way too fast. While there they discovered a grapefruit sized tumor on my ovary. Even though I was in the emergency rooms for 18 hours before they sent me home at 1a.m., they still did nothing to slow my heart down.

The next day I called my cardiologist and the following a.m. I met with him and he started me on a beta blocker. As bad as I was feeling, I still kept working, because being self-employed, I needed to work as much as I possibly could before I had my appt. with the oncologist at UNC Chapel Hill Women's Hospital. My belly kept filling up with fluid the whole time so by time I saw the oncologist on May 30th, I looked like I was in my second trimester of pregnancy. I was miserable. All of my organs were being pressed up into my ribcage. I was exhausted 24/7, but tried to keep going so people wouldn't worry too much about me. I entered the hospital on Sunday, June 1 with surgery scheduled first thing Monday a.m. They were sure they would do a complete hysterectomy, but they wouldn't know what else would need to be done until they opened me up. Later I found out they not only did the hysterectomy but they also removed 12" of bowels, and my spleen, and any lymph nodes that 1 cm. or larger. I remember bits and pieces of my first week in the hospital, but since I was on morphine for pain, and we discovered four days later that I'm allergic to morphine, after spending they next three days getting it out of my system, I felt much better. My recovery was a complete 360 degree turn around. No one believe I was the same person from the week before. I guess the first week, I became non-responsive at one point, so I was sent to ICU, ( I don't remember any of that). I only remember from about Sunday night, June 8th until I went home.Those days I remember everything very clearly.



I was discharged from the hospital on June17th and went to Katie and Nick's to recuperate a few days before I could go home and take care of myself alone. They were all great, especially my Shannon. She was such a big help and Katie made sure that I got enough exercise too. But by Saturday, I'd had enough of being around people so I told the girls I wanted to go home. They didn't really want to do that, but I wasn't backing down. I knew I'd do better at home, sleeping in my own bed, and being able to just see my own stuff. My whole life had been turned upside down in such a short time, that I needed to be able to control something.



I've been home alone now for 3 weeks, and yesterday saw my oncologist and I told him I feel super and I'm ready to move on to the 6 mos. of chemo. His nurse should be calling me with the info sometime this week. I'll have chemo once a week every three weeks, for 6 mos. No radiation. I'll see my oncologist in 3 mos. for a checkup and then at the end of 6 mos. they'll do a CT scan and go from there. He doesn't believe there will be any cancer left after chemo, nor do I but I will deal with what is, is that's the case.



I've applied for Social Security benefits and also Medicaid. I've pretty much been accepted by both so I should begin receiving some pay soon.



New Hope, my church has been so supportive. Financially, food wise, meal wise, cards, and especially their prayers have carried me through. Even today someone has brought me a chest size freezer so I can free up some of my frigerator freezer space. God is so good!!

I don't know what the future holds but I know the God who is in control of all things and none of this has been a surprise to Him and that comforts me more that anything. Maybe that's why I've started blogging.

I gave my life to Christ when I was 19 and have never wanted to take it back. I know I would only make a mess of everything. God has carried me through so many rough spots in my life and He's proven Himself to be faithful over and over again. I'm not afraid of the future but I worry about the girls and my friends and how they'll handle everything if things turn sour down the road. I feel like Paul sometimes. . .I long to go home to heaven to see my Dad and other family members who have gone on ahead of me, but I have so many special people that God has brought into my life and He has used me so many times as part of His heavenly plans. I know that only God numbers my days, not cancer or anything else. I may die next year or 50 years from now. only God knows when I've finished all that He has for me.

I won't be working until next year so I'm without excuse for not keeping up with this blogging. I'll do my best.

More later. . .remember life can be rough, but God is in control!