today's the day. . .

Well today's the day. We're finally having the picture done today. Shannon came by on Monday night and helped me choose the right outfit. She picked out the blue outfit, but unfortunately, I'm wearing pink today. I'm wearing my pink blouse and then Sherry Knight's calling me after lunch, when she finishes work, and I'm going to her place and see if she has some capris that will fit me. She said she has about 6 pair, sizes 12-16. One of them should fit me. I'm a little nervous about the picture. All the ladies are so different. Putting them altogether should be interesting. I'll try and describe each one to you. . .



First there's Tracie. She's a nurse so she looks at everything medically. She tends to see things a little worse than they may be. When I was so sick that first week(because of the intolerance to the morphine), she told everyone I was dying. I've heard I looked pretty bad so I understand why she felt that way, but it wasn't the truth. It COULD have been the truth, but wasn't. Tracie was probably more valuable though to me, than anyone else. Her husband Jon works for the state with the disability and he pushed my paperwork through and showed me what to do or I'd still be buried in red tape. Not to mention that Tracie took me to UNC for most of my Dr. visits. I think she still worries that I might die, but that's just the nurse inside her. I think when we get to end of the chemo, everything's going to be fine. Dr. Soper said that they got 98-99 percent of the cancer and that the other 1-2 percent they'd get with 6 mos. of chem. I believe him. We'll just have to wait and see.



Then there's Sheri K. I've know Sheri every since we've moved here. We worked together for about 9 years and then we didn't see each other for awhile. She was the first one I called when I found out I might have cancer. She came to the house and I told her everything. We talked about my Dad and all that he went through and I told her things that I've never told anyone else. We have that kind of relationship, we always have. I can't hide with Sheri, but I don't want to. We laughed and we cried together and I can't thank God enough for bringing her back into my life.



There's also another Sherry, Sherry G. I've known Sherry as long as I've known Sheri K, but our relationship has always been different. Sherry was the one who helped me find a place to live when Alan and I separated and I couldn't afford to stay in the apt. we'd been renting near the church. She talked to the park manager and told him about me and he allowed me to move into the mobile home park with the girls. The rent was only $375 when I moved in and Sherry and her husband, Fred, became invaluable to me during those years in my life. They watched over the girls and I the whole time. In fact I live in their house now, because years ago, mine flooded while I was in Indiana visiting family. They had moved out less than a year before and the manager had rented it to some mexicans and they had destroyed some of it. They were in the process of getting it ready to make it available and Ray, the manager let me have it. It costs $25 more than my old place, but it has a screened-in back porch that the cats and I enjoy almost year round. Sherry's place in this new chapter in my life, is that she's the only one not connected to New Hope Baptist Church anymore. They left the church several years ago. She's become informed about nutrition as far as using herbal remedies and natural diets to become healthier. She gave me some drops that you use twice a day(10 drops each), that correct your PH levels. All I can say is that thanks to her, by bowels are finally becoming a non-issue again. I feel better, too. I loved going to the Farmer's Market and getting fresh fruits and vegetables with her this week. Next week I'm going with Sheri K. She wants to go and she wants to know about those drops, because she's having intestinal issues.



Then there's Robin. I've known Robin since Shannon was about 3-4 months old. She worked with Alan for a few years, then moved here to Raleigh, then Alan worked with her, and now I have a relationship with her. God uses Robin as a counselor for me. She's also very aware of my feelings for Alan still. I think she thinks I love him still, and I do but not to the degree that she's thinking I do. Does that make sense? She'd love for us to get back together some day, but he's married to Jamie,(his choice). They've been married now for 10 years, and they seem to be doing ok, so I don't really see Alan in that sense. I wouldn't want to be with him again anyways, because you need to respect and trust the person you're with, and I feel neither of them for him, for obvious reasons. I care a great deal for him. I always will. I have many fond memories of him and I wouldn't trade them for anything, but life has moved on. If God chose to bring us back together, I know all things are possible with Him, but I don't see that happening in the future and I'm ok with that. I have no desires to be with Him in that way again. We go to things that the kids are involved in and we're fine being around each other, but that's all. We're not really friends, but we're definitely not enemies either. I don't wish him and Jamie any bad stuff. I hope they are happy together. Life's too short to be miserable. If she makes him happy, good for them.



Amy. . .Amy should be in the picture but for some reason Robin doesn't want her there and she doesn't see why I would want her there. Amy is really Robin's friend, but for some reason, God brought Amy back into my life. Amy and I don't really have a relationship, but God has our paths cross every now and then and I know at the time it's significant. Robin thinks that Amy's only there because of her, but I know differently. I don't always see at the time why God has placed her there, but He always reveals it to me later. When I was in the hospital, Robin wanted to spend the day with me, but she really had to go to work, so Amy stayed with me all day. She took good care of me. I don't remember much that first week, just bits and pieces, but I remember hearing Amy's voice, and it comforted me to know that someone was there. Amy also bought this huge paper mache flower with Robin at the gift shop, and they placed it in the window in my room, and everyone commented about it. It's very unique and really cool. I loved it because it was the first thing I saw when I opened my eyes each morning and it reminded me of how loved I am. I have it sitting on top of the TV in the livingroom now, and I love seeing it everyday. Amy also watched Robin's kids a few times so I could have Robin all to myself. We spent several hours talking about everything and how I was feeling. Basically, Robin counseled me. She always has. Robin gives me free counseling everytime I see her. She makes me talk about everything going on and gives me insight that I might not be able to grasp on my own. God always reveals something to me when I'm with Robin, and I love her for that. She would say that she doesn't counsel me, but that's because it's ingrained so much into her, that it's just who she is, and she couldn't be any other way.



Well that's the ladies in a nut shell. They're all so different and I relate to each of them so differently. Today should be interesting. All four spent time with me at the hospital, but they were usually there at different times. I love each one of them and value their friendship more than they'll ever know. I thank God everyday that they're a part of my life again. It's been neat to see the "puzzle pieces", coming together through all of this. Each of them have told me I should write a book, but it would be hard to remember everything, so much has happened. I'll try to get started on it, but I can't make any promises. It's hard enough just keeping up with this blog.



More another time. . .