chemo 101

I'm going to describe what my chemo treatments have been like. For some it will be boring, but others have asked me, so. . .just remember that everyone's chemo is different and since no two people are alike, the affects of chemo are different as well.

I used to have all the medical stuff done on one day, treatment day, but the day was waaay too long! Now I split it up. On the Wednesday before my treatment on Friday, I have my lab work done and visit with the oncologist. The lab work takes 2 minutes, ( they take 4 very small vials of blood), and then about 20 minutes later, I see the oncologist. The last lab work I had done, the nurse said, "That poor little vein"! I told her I only had one more treatment and that "by the way, I have another arm to use"! She laughed! The oncologist asks how the last treatment went, we discuss possibly medication changes, she listens to my heart and lungs, and that's it.

On Friday, my appointment is usually about 8:20, which my friend, Robin has faithfully taken me to each time,(I love her for her commitment)! It's usually 9 before they call me back. It's takes them 40 minutes from the time I enter the clinic to place the order at the pharmacy and get it back to the clinic. We wait in the waiting room and catch up on each other's lives. They weigh me everytime before the treatments. I've gained 10 lbs. already, but I guess that's better than losing 10 lbs. There are two rooms and depending on what nurse you have that day, (we were told they try to give you the same nurse each time, but I've only had the same nurse twice), and then they start the IV. I don't have a port, so mine is given in the back of my hand. It doesn't hurt that badly, it could be worse. It's a fairly small needle. In hindsight, I may have decided to go with the port, but since I was only having 6 treatments, the Dr. didn't think it would be necessary. Most people have a port. As it turns out, I don't have very good veins, but there are three nurses at the clinic who do a great job with the veins, so it's not been a problem. They DID blow a vein one time, and hopefully that doesn't happen again. If they blow the vein they have to flush it out, and that burns like crazy for about 3 minutes, which seems like an eternity when you're hurting. Once the IV is started I receive 250 mg. of something,(chemo brain! I can't remember what it's called), but it's to flush out my kidneys and hydrate my system. While that's taking place they give me all of my oral medications that are needed to work against the effects of the chemo drugs. I get 2 tylenol, 1 ativan,(my relaxer, kind of like a mild valium), 1 emend, it's a steroid drug, and 1 decadron, another steroid. The first chemo drug is added to my IV while the first fluid is running. It takes 3 hrs. About 2 hrs. into my chemo treatment, they give me 25 mg. of Benadryl, which is half of what other people take. See my past blogs for the explanation on this one. I usually have a hard time staying awake at this point, so I generally will take a nap for about 45 minutes -1 1/2 hr. Robin works on her computer during this time and usually will go grab lunch for us in the hospital cafeteria. When I wake up, I eat lunch with Robin, and then it's about time for the last chemo drug, which takes 45 minutes to an hour, depending on how fast they push it through the IV and they push another 100 mg. of fluid through the kidneys. It wasn't until the 4th treatment that they started doing all the chemo drugs with the first IV fluids. That's why it would literally take all day. We'd arrive at 8:20 and say "Hi" to everyone as we all climbed into our recliners, and then I'd say "goodbye" to everyone as they all left and I'd still be there. That one nurse made all the difference in how the treatments have gone since then. Now, everything gets piggybacked to each other. I love it!! I forgot to mention that they also provide small individual DVD players with a long list of movies to choose from with headphones for everyone so that you can be entertained while you're there. I brought movies from home the first 3 treatments, but since I can't stay awake, and Robin doesn't care, I no longer take anything to do. Besides, they push so many fluids through me while I'm there, that it takes me 4-5 visits to the restroom during the time we're there. Robin has to help me each time because for instance, the last time I had a treatment, the first time I tried to get up and walk to the bathroom, I literally started walking sideways and couldn't walk straight to save my life! Everyone thought that was pretty funny to see, but NOT!!

So. . . that's what treatments are like for me. Pretty boring, huh? The good part is, is that I only have one treatment left! GO ME!! On November 14, Friday,(yes they're always done on Friday, three weeks apart), I will officially have my last one!! On the day of your last one, the nurses will make a special hat for you to wear, throw pretty confetti at you and everyone will clap for your victory!! It's kind of silly, but it's also kind of special! I feel kind of different from most of the people there. Most of them know the nurses by name,(I don't), because they've been there for previous treatments. Most of them haven't had surgery yet and most of them are still facing radiation treatments as well. As for me, I've had my surgery and there is no radiation treatments for ovarian cancer. When I'm done with chemo, Lord willing, I'm done and my life moves on.

The Dr's. told me that they would schedule a CT scan middle to the end of Dec. but I got a letter from the Rex Hospital and I have my CT scan scheduled for Friday, Dec. 5th. I was a little worried about putting my head through the CT scanning machine, but the scan only covers the chest/abdomen/pelvis area. I can work with that!!

I need to ask you to pray, not that you haven't been doing that, but I have something that I need you to pray specifically about. I'm not worried about the CT scan. If the cancer has grown somewhere else, worrying won't change that. It's all in God's hands. It's been in His hands since the very beginning of this journey and I trust Him completely. I'm worried about what I'm supposed to be doing when all this is over. Even though Dr. Soper,(the gynecologist), said that I can go back to cleaning homes again, God made it very clear to me that He has a different chapter to start in my life, and that cleaning homes is a thing of the past. I know I shouldn't worry, but I do. What kind of job will I be doing that will generate enough income for me to live on? Will I need to work two jobs in order to survive? I probably worry more because everytime I turn around, I hear that someone has lost their job. I can't even begin to look for work until after the CT scan because, well you know. . .That means that I'll be trying to look for work around Christmas time,(the jobs will already be filled), or at the latest, January. How many people will be hiring in January? I don't even know what kind of work I should be looking for. I'm also concerned about my energy level. I haven't worked since May 29th. I'm not sure that I have the energy level to work 40 hrs. a week. It's been so long. . .do you hear the "fear" in my thoughts? If only I could sit back and trust, but Satan is having a field day with my thought life right now, any suggestions? I know that God is in control and He has provided for me over and over and over again, I know this, but still I worry. Forgive me Lord for my lack of faith. If I could only catch a glimpse of what God had in store for me, but as most of you know from your own walk with Him, sometimes we just have to wait and trust.

I DID read a devotion today that I know without a doubt that God lead me to. It said, "Sometimes we have to give up the past so we can fully enjoy the present and the future. So. . .
pick up the foot that is keeping you from moving forward and place it in front of your other foot, keep going. . .be amazed by God's plan for your life." That reminded me of Jeremiah 29:11. for I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you..
That's the God I serve, the God who has plans for me to prosper me, not to harm me. Maybe I should try putting those "thoughts" into my head, instead of listening to the "wrong voice", you know what I mean??

Well. . .that's the blog for today. Pretty boring, but now you all know what the past several months have been like. I've blogged about the side effects I have from the chemo drugs. I've been so blessed and protected. The only complaints that I could possibly have, have been the neuropathy in the bottom of my feet and the muscles cramps in the back of my calves that only last for a couple of days. I can't even really complain about those, because over the counter Ibuprofen has taken care of the pain for the most part. You're prayers have carried me through so much and I definitely feel your love surrounding me!

I DID learn two very interesting facts about my self throughout this though,. #1, I have an extra small head size, who knew? I couldn't find a hat to fit my "extra small head", so my friend, Nancy,(love her to pieces, also,), made me two hats. One for bed, and one very pretty lilac colored one to wear out. They fit perfectly!!. #2, I have thick skin, who knew? The last time I had my treatment, when the nurse went to start the IV, my eyes started tearing up and my nose started dripping. I asked for a Kleenex and she felt terrible. She thought she was hurting me, but it honestly didn't hurt that much, not anymore than it usually does, but my eyes and nose said otherwise. She told me that it was hard to put the needle in because," I had thick skin". Who knew?? You learn all kinds of things about yourself when you have those treatments.

I have one more request. . . and this one is for my daughters, Katie and Shannon and for the UNC gals that have been there for me. On November 14th, the day of my last treatment, I'd love for all of us gals to go out for dinner together and celebrate! Could you put me on your calendar? I know it would mean pulling you away from your families that night, but it would mean so much!! I can't think of anyone else I'd rather celebrate with! Please RSVP as soon as possible. It doesn't matter where we eat, just so that we could have a meal together for one last time like we did on our "picture day". That was such a great day!! I see that picture in my livingroom everyday and I will treasure it always. I love you gals to pieces!!

More another time, thanks for your patience in this reading this long blog, but you all know how much I love to talk, so no surprise that I write as much as I love to talk. Sorry. . . .
Love, Cheryl

only in my life. . .

I'm feeling the chemo effects today with the aches and muscle cramps in my feet and legs today, but it could be so much worse. The ibuproben is helping. I wanted to blog today while it's fresh in my brain.

This weekend I took part in the program of angelfood ministries. I've blogged earlier about this wonderful opportunity to get food for $30. It's enough food to last me about a month. The only problem was that when I went to pick up my food on Saturday, from 9:30-10:30a.m., the truck had broken down and they asked everyone to come back at 4 instead, no problem. . . I went back at 4 and the truck still was not there. At 5:45 the truck finally arrived but it still needed to be unloaded and each of the stations had to be set up and all the food had to be counted before it's distributed. The staff working that day should all get medals! They made sure that everyone had a seat to sit on, fresh water to drink, books and magazines to look at. They really tried to make it as good of an experience as possible. Nobody likes to wait almost 2 hours to get their food. Once they opened the doors, the line moved very quickly. Now. . .here's where only I could do this.

I went through the line as they slid my box along, filling it up with each of the items. I carried the box out to my car and wondered where my potatoes and onions were. I didn't have any of the produce. I walked back inside, talked to someone, they told me to go to the produce station and pick up my box, so I did and went home and put everything away. In the produce box there was a 2# bag on onions and a large bag of fresh lemons as well as a whole lot of other things. I knew that I couldn't possibly eat all the onions and lemons so I asked my friends whom I was having dinner with Saturday night if they'd like to have them. They were more than happy to help me out!

Last night I was at church talking to a friend and she was talking about how they were missing one produce box. Yep, you guessed it! I took her box. I hadn't ordered the produce box, but my chemo brain thought I had!! I was so embarrassed! Fortunately I know the person whom I have stolen from and we're connecting probably tomorrow night to give her food back to her. Then I also had to call my friends and ask them if they'd used any of the lemons or onions yet, (they hadn't!), and so now after dinner tonight, I'm going to their house and get them. Only I could do something like this!! It's so embarrassing!

But. . .inspite of myself, God has such a great sense of humor in my life. This a.m. I received a phone call from a lady from the Maranatha S.S. class and guess what she wanted to ask me? Yep, they wanted to purchase the Nov. angelfood box for me. Angelfood ministries is also offering a Thanksgiving box,(a complete Thanksgiving meal for 4). I told her I was having Thanksgiving dinner with Katie and Shannon and I'd be lucky if they let me bring the dessert. Katie loves to cook and since I couldn't be with them last Thanksgiving,(I was in Indiana with my Dad and my family), she's already requested my presence this year, and I've accepted. I DID tell the lady who called though that I wouldn't mind if they wanted to purchase the extra produce box. She said that sounded great and that they'd get the receipt that I needed to be able to pick up my box on Nov. 22, some time next week. Is that funny or what?So in Nov. I'll get a 2# bag of onions that I won't be able to use all by myself, so my friends will still get their onions and it won't cost me anything. If you know anybody who likes Ruby Red Florida grapefruit, I'm getting 2 of them that I won't be eating either. This is definitely a "God thing!"

Well, the shower if calling me to help with my aching muscles today. Gotta run. . . I'll try and blog about my last chemo treatment. Robin said I wasn't giving as many details to you guys as I used to so I'll fill you in another time.
Love, Cheryl

Pain and Hate. . .two very strong emotions.

This past weekend I had the wonderful opportunity of going on a women's retreat to Caswell beach. It lasted from Friday night-Sunday after lunch. There were 24 of us and our sessions were from the Beth Moore study on "Loving Well". It was a great study. It talked about how we can love the four different kinds of people we encounter in our lives.

There's the people who bring us joy,(they're easy to love), the "testies"(they cause us to grit our teeth everytime we see them, but we act like things are ok), the "foes"(we hate them with a passion), and the "far", (they're people we don't know at all who God has cross our paths, ie; homeless, strangers who need help when they break down on the street, etc.

Our biggest discussions centered on our"foes". Not to brag in any way, but I can honestly say that I don't have any foes. Oh believe me, I've had foes in my past.

When I was growing up, my Mom was my foe. She hated me and I hated her. She wished me off the face of the earth and I wished her off the face of the earth. My Grandpa Miller died when I was 7 yrs. old and my grandparents lived right next door to us. My Grandma Miller's kids decided that Grandma shouldn't stay alone that first night, so I went over and climbed in her bed and slept with her. Then I stayed the next night, and the next night, well, you get the idea. At the end of the week, everyone decided that my Grandma and I needed to live together. We lived together off and on until I was 19. My Grandma became my mother in every essence of the word. I loved her and she loved me. We did everything together. We grew all of our own fruits, vegetables and meat. She did washings and ironings for families and by the age of 10, I was responsible for keeping the house clean, and taking care of all the animals outside. We raised chickens every year for the eggs and meat, rabbits, and ducks,( we used the duck eggs for noodles). I don't remember eating the ducks. I don't think we did. We had cats aplenty to keep the mouse population down, and we had 2 small inside/outside dogs. I even raised a baby sow one year but that's a whole another story. Needless to say, like most farmers, we worked hard, but I loved being with her and I loved helping her. It was a good life.

When I was 19 yrs. old I surrendered my whole life over to God. I told Him I belonged to Him for the rest of my life. I'd go anywhere, do anything, I'd even eat bugs in Africa if that was His plan. I stopped by the church on a weekend. Back then you didn't have to lock the church doors, they were always open for a stranger to come into the sanctuary and spend time with our Lord. I was sitting in the pew near the front and I heard someone walk in from the side door. He was wearing shorts and sneakers and you could tell he had been running. It turned out he was the youth minister of the church. He saw me come in since he lived in the parsonage right next door, and he sat in the pew ahead of me. He didn't say anything at first, he just let me cry. He offered me a Kleenex, and then we talked. I told him that the family had just decided to place my Grandma in a nursing home and for the first time in 12 years, my parents had asked me to move back home with them. I told him that I hated my mom and that she hated me.

He then opened his Bible to some scripture and started writing down passages for me to read. All of them had the word "brother" in them. He told me to take these verses and put the word, "mother" instead of brother in there and see what I found out. He'd come back the same time the following Saturday and see if I still needed to talk. I went home and poured over my Bible like never before. The next Saturday, I went to the church. He was waiting there for me on the same pew. This time he said, "I want you to walk in your mother's shoes for a little while. I want you to go and talk to her siblings and friends and find out what it was like for your mother when she was growing up. I DID go and talk to my Aunts and Uncles. I asked them why my mother hated me so much. They all had different reasons, but they all agreed that she hated me. At first, I didn't see how these visits were helping me understand my Mom at all and then the more I prayed to God about it, the more the pieces fell into place.

I went back to the church again that following Saturday, and there he was again. We talked about my Mom and then the flood gates of tears just began pouring out, I couldn't have stopped them even if I wanted to. I went home that very afternoon and found my Mom in the bathroom putting on her make-up and asked if we could talk. She said she didn't really have the time, but I asked her to please make the time, it was important to me. I told her I was sorry for everything that had happened to her and for the life that she had had to live. I understood now why she hated me. I got all the love and attention from her Mom that she wanted and needed so badly when she was growing up, but that she never received. She had 8 other siblings to compete against, and I had none. so I got all the attention and loving. I told her that if I could give her my life and all that it held, I would. I would trade my life for her so that she could finally know the love of her Mother. I was so sorry for the pain that I must have caused her when I was growing up, even though it was never intentional, it still hurt her. She turned away from the mirror with tears in her eyes and walked over and gave me a hug. My Mom had never hugged me my whole life. After several Kleenex's later, we sat down and I told her that I loved her and that I wanted to put the past in the past. That neither one of us could throw the past up into each others faces, and that from here on out, we had a clean slate between us.

The funny part is, I really began to love my Mom and when I was able to give her two beautiful granddaughters 7 and 9 1/2 years later, she was able to love and enjoy them and my girls never knew what it was like for me growing up. (well, until they read this blog). They know a little bit, but not the whole picture. I never saw the reason to share this with them since their Grandma Nusbaum was great with them, and we were ok in our relationship by then. They loved her and we went and visited both sets of grandparents every other weekend so that the girls would know their grandparents. It was 1 1/2 hrs. to Alan's parents, and 45 minutes to my parents house. We visited Alan's parents Friday nights, ate lunch with them on Saturday and then went out to my parents house for dinner and had fun playing with my side of the family until late Saturday night. We didn't usually get home until after 11p.m., but we had so much fun!! I miss those weekends.

Today, I can honestly say that I don't have any foes in my life. I learned from hating my Mom as much as I did when I was growing up, that I never wanted to hate anyone again. I didn't even hate Alan and Jamie when they destroyed so many people's lives. I hated what they did and I hated seeing all the consequences of the choices that they made, but I never hated them. I didn't like them for a time, but I didn't hate them. I don't like carrying around that gnawing pit in your stomach that you get when you truly hate someone. Life is too short for that, and besides hating another person doesn't hurt them, it hurts you, and only you. They could care less. God never wants us to hate anyone, that's Satan's trick. So who do you surrender your pain and hate to, Satan or God. I chose God years ago and it's the best decision I ever made. So go hug someone today and make my day. Let's stop all the hating and let the Lord win this one.

JOY. . .

I had an appt. with Dr. Soper on Friday. He's my gynecologist that did all the surgery and asked me everyday "if we were dancing that day?" He meant, "how was I feeling?". If it was a good day, then we were dancing, if not, then he'd say, "that 's ok, we're side-stepping today, because in dancing you never step backward, you just side-step, and tomorrow we'll be dancing again." Don't you just love that!! I never felt discouraged when he said that even if the medications I was taking were giving me bad side-effects, I knew tomorrow, "I'd be dancing!!".

My visit with him went very well. He still is not going to do a CAT scan until a month after I finish chemo. He said that he's 99% sure he got all of the cancer that was there, and that the chemo is only "precautionary". I'll have appointments after the CAT scan every 3 months alternating between him and my oncologist, Dr. Specca. and have a CAT scan once a year and if after two years nothing shows up. we'll reevaluate where we go from there. but that I'm "his" for the rest of my life. Good thing I like him!

My weekend was nice, not too busy. Most of you I've heard from and have been able to catch up on what's been going on in your lives, but some of you have fallen off the face of the earth, so it seems, no names being mentioned.

When I talked to Dr. Soper on Friday, I was surprised when he told me that after the first of the year I could go back to my regular job. We talked about the fact that I don't have a spleen anymore, but he said I was so strong and healthy overall that he didn't see that as being a problem. Don't worry friends, I have no intention on going back to cleaning homes again full time. I need a job with benefits, but it did open the door for me to go back and help some of my elderly clients on my days off. I miss them, and it always made me feel good knowing that I could help them do something that they were no longer able to do for themselves.

Change of subject. . .yesterday in church our theme was, "joy". We were supposed to write down the names of 3 people who bring/brought you joy and then write down three instances that have happened in your life that bring/brought you joy. I realized after looking over my list that 2 out of the 3 people who have brought me joy in my life, God has taken home already. The three instances I chose were, my wedding day, the births of the girls, and the day I found Jesus to be my Lord and Savior. Then we were asked to name three people that WE brought joy into their lives. That one's a little bit harder. I named my family, my brothers and sisters in Christ at New Hope Baptist Church, and my 5 best friends who are still carrying me through this journey from since the first day at UNC to today.

If you were asked to compile of list, who or what would be on it?? Think about it. . .Who matters the most, what matters the most? Obviously the point of the sermon was that our true "joy" comes through our relationship with Jesus Christ, but if you think about it, God loves you so much that He brings people and instances into your life that bring you "joy". People and times that make/made you feel so happy inside that there weren't or aren't words that could describe the joy that bubbled up inside of you.

God makes all of that possible because He loves you that much!! He's so involved in just the little things going on in our lives. I would think that He's so busy just managing the world and all it's troubles, but the truth is, is that He still has the time to give me little "joy" moments. He still works in our individual lives inspite of everything going on around us. I still matter to Him on an indivual basis. He's never too busy, or too upset or disappointed in me, to not be there. He's always there loving me inspite of myself, and He's still working out the small little details of my life. He directs each of my footsteps, even though I may wander off His chosen path at times, He just waits for me to get back instep with Him and then we walk side by side again, until my journey ends here on earth and He finally calls me home to spend eternity with Him. I guess you could say that our "walk" with Him never truly ends, the location just changes, but can you think of anyone else that you'd rather walk with, I can't!

4th one's different. . .

Wow!! The 4th chemo treatment really kicked my butt this time!! Of course it could have been because I had way too much on my platter the day before and the weekend of my treatment. It just really couldn't be helped this time.

Robin called me and had asked if I wanted to come and help with her daughter, Ari's birthday party on Thursday afternoon from 3:30-5:30. She had helped me with both of my girls parties when they were younger and I really wanted to be there so. . .I tried to get as much stuff done in preparation for my treatment on Friday as I could, before I left for Robin's, but. . .

I loved being at the party, helping out, etc. She had invited 23 girls and they were pretty good for that number of girls in one place. We played games, made a craft, ate cake and snacks, it was fun! I had to leave at 5:45 because I was meeting another friend, Nancy for dinner at Taco Bell at 6:15. Impromptu(the contemporary music team that I sing with), was having practice from 7-9. We had just enough time to grab a quick bite and then off to practice. We practiced until 9:30 then I had gotten a phone call from Shelly(a G.A. leader), asking if I could possibly bake some cookies for the sleepover Friday night. What could I say?? I hadn't hardly helped with the sleepover at all, so . . . I ran by the store, went home baked two pans of brownies(needed for Operation Sharing Hope, I'll explain later), baked 3 dozen cookies, finished the laundry, fixed the furniture for the following week, browned hamburger to use for spaghetti and tacos later in the week, and fell into bed at 1 a.m.

Robin and I got our wires crossed somewhere and so I ended up driving myself to Rex Cancer Treatment Center and then driving home afterwards, which by the way is a no-no. She stayed with me all day during treatment, but she needed to take her kids to school and pick them up afterwards. My treatment went fine and I even had a nurse who was so good, she "piggy-backed" the chemo drugs with the IV fluids and I got out of there in record time. That's good and bad. Good that I'd have time to rest at home before doing everything else, but bad because I didn't have enough hours there at the center for the drugs to wear off a little bit. Robin didn't think I should drive home, but I felt fine. I WAS fine, but apparently a little drugged. I got home, took a nap for 1 1/2 hours and then got busy. I know, you should always rest the day of your treatment but it just wasn't to be this time.

You see twice a year our little girls from Wed, night have a sleepover that carries over into Saturday a.m. for a church wide project that day. This time we had the sleepover and the Operation Sharing Hope on Saturday. We had 14 girls spend the night and two moms and two leaders. One team on Saturday was going to deliver baked goods to our policemen and firemen so we needed to bake lots of goodies. We baked cookies,(that's why I baked cookies the night before. You can't bake hot chocolate chip cookies and then tell the girls that they can't eat any of them, so I baked cookies for them to eat while we were baking the other ones). We made bags of popcorn, rice krispie treats, chex mix, and the brownies I had made the night before. The girls had a ball! We watched a movie until 1a.m. like we usually do and then it was lights out. All the girls went to sleep but one little girl had a bad cough and was talking in her sleep and coughing so one of the moms and asked me to get up and check on her. She was sound asleep and I just rolled her over, the problem was that the steroids I take with my treatment cause you not to be able to sleep, so I was awake from 4-5:30 and had to get up at 6:30. Not good!!

Our job with the girls was to visit the shut-ins so I took an adult and three little girls and visited the shut-ins in Wake Forest and then came back to Raleigh and visited two home bound members. It was nice!! The older people love seeing the little ones!

I got home about 1:30 and crashed on the sleeper sofa. The steroids were still keeping me awake, so I only slept an hour and then I was wide awake. I watched the Notre Dame game and then fixed some meals for this week in case I was too tired.

I went to bed at 10:30 but woke up at 2:30 and couldn't go back to sleep until 5:30 and had to be up by 6:45 at the latest because I had to be ready to sing in front of a microphone at 7:30. While I was awake at 5, I took a shower, ate breakfast, vacuumed the living room, ironed, (you see where I'm going, right?). The steroids make you so hyper that it's hard for you to slow down and sleep. That's why they prescribe Ativan. Now. . .if only I could remember to take it at night. . . by time Sunday a.m. at church had finished, I was exhausted!! I came home and crashed, still couldn't sleep, went back out to Bible Study at 5:30 and then came home and was in bed at 9.

One thing that I did do right this time was to drink lots of water. The doctor thinks that that's why I was so dizzy the last time. I didn't flush my kidneys out after the chemo like I was supposed to. She's probably right. I DID drink lots of fluids but not enough water. This time I made sure I drank the water and I wasn't dizzy at all.

I survived the weekend barely, ( I knew it was going to be busy but I didn't see a way around it). I wouldn't have changed anything, but maybe if I'd taken the Ativan when I got home Saturday night, Sunday would have been a little easier to cope with.

Monday my body ached all over. I took a friend with me out to run a few errands but after the first one, I gave up. I didn't have the stamina to keep going. I crashed on the couch the rest of the day.

Tuesday, I tried the errands again, and got them done. I even made it out to dinner with my S.S. class that evening, but boy, was I exhausted!! I stopped taking the Ibuprofen on Monday and found that I could stand in the shower or soak in the tub to relieve my aching muscles. So I "pruned" myself most of the day.

Wed, (yesterday), wasn't too bad. I stayed home and "veggied" most of the day. I DID help with tutoring, ate dinner at church, worked with G.A.'s, and even squeezed in choir last night, but again, I was exhausted by time I got home. I went right to bed. Today I'm achy but feel pretty good. I'm staying in today and relaxing. I have Impromptu practice tonight, but that's all for the day. I was able to put everything away yesterday, washed up the extra bedding from the sleeper sofa, read, caught up on things I had recorded, and got a couple of naps in. Today, I'm not planning on doing anything. Just chilling. . .

In spite of the fact that I way over did this time, I love the fact that I had little side effects from the chemo. The effects of chemo are accumulative so each treatment should have more side effects and yet, this time wasn't so bad. I was just tired from lack of sleep. Oh yes, and by the way, I have remembered to take the Ativan every night since Sunday night, so I'm catching up on all the sleep I've lost.

I still haven't lost anymore hair, I still have the little wisps hanging on. I guess they're planning on sticking around. Tomorrow a.m. I have another appt. with Dr. Soper my OB/GYN who did all the surgery and got me back on my feet again. It's just a visit so he can check and see how I'm doing with the chemo. He'll be pleased. I've gained(yes gained), 10lbs. The steroids cause you to eat everything in sight, and since food still taste like it's supposed to, bring it on!! I'm always hungry and carbs are loaded with protein, so it's what I'm supposed to be eating right now, if we could only cut out some of the calories with those carbs. Oh well. . .I'm not worried about my weight right now. I'll take some weight off after we get to the finish line. Right now, it's probably a good idea to have the extra than to be too thin. I've lost so much weight throughout all of this, that I can wear clothes that I hadn't been able to wear for the past 3 years. I feel great overall and I just need to be patient as I wait to get my stamina back. That 's probably the hardest thing that I struggle with. I've always had lots of energy and been able to do whatever I want to, but this is different. Sometimes the energy level just isn't there.

When I stop and think about the weekend, it's amazing that I feel as good as I do. Yes, my muscles ache, but I DIDN'T get nauseous, no dizziness, no having to cancel plans, God carried me through!! I have two more treatments to go and I have no plans after those treatments like I did this time, it's just what was. People are still amazed at all that I'm able to keep doing, and to be honest, I'm amazed sometimes too! I have some days after treatment when I just need to lay around and rest. If I rest, life is easier, if I don't(like this time), then I ache longer and it takes a little bit longer to recoup. I'm learning. . .