How. . .

I spent three hours outside at a park today just trying to catch my breath. Sometimes I feel like I'm not going to be able to breathe some days, the stress is that strong. Other days I can put everything aside and coast, but each treatment gets harder to coast through. 6 months is along time to sit on your hands and do nothing. Talk about not having control.

I'm spending time with Shannon tonight. It'll be nice to be doing something different. We're going to a Hurricane's game. Go Canes!! We had lunch together yesterday and she asked me if I want to go with her to Pittsburg to see them play the week of my fifth treatment. I told her we could go visit her grandma in Horseheads, NY, also. It will depend on the night they play as to whether or not it will work. I have to be here on that Friday, so if they play Thurs. night, that won't work.

Thanks everyone for your continual prayers and words of encouragement. It's literally what gets me through most days. I'm not depressed, just tired of the waiting. Patience is not one of my gifts. (see previous blog). Sometimes I feel guilty for being so frustrated. God has blessed me so much in this illness, why can't I just wait in Him? Doesn't He have the right to put me in "time-out" for 6 months or more if He so chooses, of course He does, so why can't I just accept that? Why can't I just let go and let God be God? It would make my life so much easier.

I don't question why me, I question how long. How long before He moves me to something new? What's waiting for me around the corner? Am I ready for whatever He has for me? I learned a long time ago that it's not the end that's important to Him, but it's the journey along the way, and I feel like I'm failing miserably in that respect. Other people see me and they think that I'm so strong, but God who knows and sees the real me, knows that I'm not. I struggle like everyone else. I'm in a battle with what, I'm not sure of, but I know that I'm getting wounded along the way. I know that I"ll be standing when the battle is finally over because this battle belongs to the Lord and I belong to Him. I'm just getting tired. . . there's really not too much more to say. I'd pull the covers up over my head, but that won't change things. I can't run from any of this, nor do I want, but. . .you get the picture.

This has been a hard week. We had an incident at tutoring last week that should never had happened and it still hasn't been dealt with. The leader, Jerry, is on vacation this week, so it won't be taken care of until next week. Then, earlier this week my neighbor, Steve, found his old roommate dead in the guys bedroom. He had been dead for at least a week. How does someone die and nobody know about it until a whole week later? Didn't he have any friends? He was addicted to alcohol his whole life, and so he never lead a normal life, he was always drunk. Steve got out of that lifestyle years ago and he tried so hard to witness to him. over and over again. I know Steve's heart is breaking this week. Please pray for Steve. He's scheduled to leave this Friday to go and help the NC Baptist men in Texas with disaster relief. He's not sure if he should still go, or be here in case he's needed by the guys family. He's known them for almost 20 years now. Steve has such compassion for others. It's one of his many gifts from God.

Continue to remember so many people who are affected by the hurricanes this season. So many have nothing left. It will take a long time to rebuild in those hard hit areas. I think of the people in Haiti who already have nothing and then to be hit by a hurricane, how do they go on? I think "How" was an appropriate title for this blog, don't you?

Patience. . .

Don't ever pray for patience! You won't like how God teaches you patience. I've had to learn patience so much these past few months. I've been blessed beyond measure with friends, the church, family, etc., but when you have to depend on someone else for your finances, watch out! The church has agreed to pay for my bills until I can go back to work. There's so much of me that just wants to scream, forget how you feel taking the chemo, and just go back to work!! Life was a lot easier. I was never late paying my bills. I consolidated all of my credit cards last August and would have all my debt finished in 3 years, now my credit is ridiculous!!

Last month the church forgot to pay(or misplaced) my Progress Energy bill that I had taken in so the executive secretary at church called Progress Energy, explained the situation and pledged the past due amount. This month they're threatening to turn off my power because they didn't receive payment last month. I went to the church and talked to the associate Pastor, she looked into it and it turns out that although the pledge was made the person responsible forgot to put a request in for the check to be processed so it didn't get paid. They called Progress Energy again, made another pledge and then I stayed and watched them write the request slip out for the treasurer. Yesterday, I got a response back from Clearpoint Financial Solutions(my debt repayment program), and I got the check back for the bills for the month of Oct. because the church treasurer sent a church check even though for the past 3 months they've had to send a money order because that's the only form of payment Clearpoint can accept. Hopefully, the church can get the money order sent out before the end of Sept.

Capital One credit card company is just as bad. I pay them myself and every month I have to call them and ask them why they keep charging me $29 late fee when even though I have an outstanding balance that I can't pay until I go back to work in Dec/Jan, and they tell me every time that they're not going to charge me and that they'll refund the money, they still get it wrong every month. I'm so tired of the financial hassles. I have a credit card with Washington Mutual, and they have to be the worst. They call at least every other day from their collection dept. and no matter how many times I tell them the same things and they say they won't call anymore, they still call and threaten. It's gotten so bad now that when they call, they listen to what I have to say, then they start screaming that I have to pay them the past due amount, and then THEY hang up on me!! I don't have to hang up on them. The other day a woman called, said she understood my situation(that's good because I could hardly understand her English), she would need to put information into the computer so they would stop calling, and then asked me the same questions they ask everyday. I'm afraid I wasn't as "patient" that day and so once I told her the name of Clearpoint Financial Solutions and the name of my agent, she then asked for their phone number. I told her I didn't have the file in front of me and I was pretty sure she could go on line and look it up or call information. She told me I had to give her their number, I repeated myself, she started screaming, I told her I was finished with the conversation, and that I was now going to hang up! See. . .I told you I was not patient that day!

My finances are basically in a mess which is funny because people in the church have contributed over $5000 into my account to pay for my bills and every week more money gets put in. It's not that the money isn't there, the church just keeps messing up the payment method. Needless to say, this is totally out of my control. Do you see why I'm so frustrated?? If I just went back to work, had money coming in, paid my own bills, things would settle down.

In my last blog I mentioned how Shannon had asked if I like to work just 20 hours a week shelving books. I would love that!! I just never know how I'm going to feel the week after chemo on Friday and so I haven't committed to anything during that first week, because I don't want to not be able to fulfill my commitment to someone. It's so hard on the two weeks that I feel normal to not go out and find a job. I feel like there's so much more that I could be doing than just waiting around for life to settle down to normal again. The effects of chemo are accumulative so I won't know how bad I'm going to feel each time that first week, until I get through the last one. I am doing volunteer work here and there, but it doesn't seem like it's enough.

My whole life is in this holding pattern. I stress trying to figure out what I'm supposed to be doing when all of this is over. I know that God has a plan for me, but what is it?? I'm definitely failing in the "patience" dept. I have no clue what lies ahead or what I'm leaning toward.

Please pray that I will be PATIENT inspite of my circumstances. I know that others are struggling with other issues just as much as I'm struggling with all of this. Life is rough. There's always going to be something going on that we can't control. The fact of the matter is, God is so much bigger than all of this, and this is so small in comparison to everything else in life. Think about all the people that have been affected by all the hurricanes recently. They have lost everything. I took my friend, Jon, to the airport yesterday so that he could fly out to Texas for 10 days and feed the people there who finances don't mean anything to them right now. They just want somewhere to lay their tired heads and just be able to enjoy a hot cooked meal. I remember when hurricane Fran came through and the girls and I went 10 days without power. I worked with Disaster Relief for almost 3 weeks. There was nothing else I could do about my situation, but I could at least help others find their homes again amongst all the fallen trees. It was long days, but they were days that I wouldn't trade for anything. It felt so good to be able to help others less fortunate and throughout all that time, God provided meals, hot showers, and childcare for the girls and I. We never wanted for anything those whole 3 weeks. That's why I serve the God that I serve. He is so wonderful!! He's always there, even when you don't sense His presence, He's still there. He prepares the way even before you know that you have a need. Who else can do that? Trust in Him, He's the only thing to hold onto when you're struggling with "patience". I'll just try a little harder this week with the "patience" thing.

The days are passing by in a blur. I had my 3rd treatment last Friday. It's hard to believe I'm halfway finished already! I've talked to Shannon about maybe working 20 hours a week with Barnes and Noble shelving books from 7-11a.m. It would give me something to do and I love being physical, but as you read farther along in this blog, I don't think I'm going to be able to commit to a job quite yet. (NUTS!)

My treatment last Friday took forever. It started about 8:40 and I don't think we left there until 3:30. Everything we did seemed to take forever. I had lab work, met with the oncologist, and then started chemo. My IV's only take 4 hours total so you can see how slowly everything went that day. After I got home so late, my neighbors had invited me over for dinner,(steaks on the grill, baked potatoes, etc,), so I joined them for dinner and end up visiting with them until 9p.m. It felt good to just sit around on their screened in porch and visit for awhile.

On Saturday a.m. I got an email that one of the women in my S.S. class, step-father had died. He was diagnosed with lung cancer about the same time as my Dad, so it was a blessing that he had finally gone to be with the Lord. He was suffering terribly. We were preparing meals for the family for the weekend so I made my chicken/broccoli/rice casserole and dropped it off at the church at 12:30. I came home made some taco meat sauce, packed up my bag and went to watch the Notre Dame game with my friend, Robin,(yes, the same Robin who spends the day with me during chemo). We've been Notre Dame fans for years but it's been ages since we've watched the game together. We're also big Indy 500 fans. We used to get together to watch the race but we haven't done that in a long time either. Now I spend the Indy 500 day with my friends, Traci and Jon. Every year in the end of June we head to Williamsburg, Va to spend the weekend with Traci's Dad, so we can attend the Richmond Indy 400 race on Saturday. I look forward to it each year. This year I wasn't able to attend. I'd only been home from the hospital for two weeks and there was no way I could travel that far, and not to mention our seats are on the top row. But next year, I'm there. Traci's Dad has sent me several cards and has even helped me out financially a couple of times. I just love her Dad!! He fixes up the guest bedroom for me and he told me when I talked to him last that he had installed a light over the head of the bed because he knows how much I like to read before I fall asleep. Is that thoughtful or what??

On Sunday it was a typical busy day at church. I was a little more tired than usual afterwards, so instead of Nelson and I going out to lunch, I invited him back to my house and reheated some leftovers, and made cheeseburgers on the grill. It worked! We watched a movie together and then I laid down and took a nap before heading back out to church for a summer missions report at 5 from the group who went to Belize this year.

I had arranged for a movie night with some friends afterwards. I've been wanting to see "Get Smart", but I was in the hospital when it was playing so I never got to see it. It's now playing at Blueridge Carmike 14($1.50 theatre), so I left the church a little early to get to the theatre in time to meet everyone and discovered that I'd left my purse hanging on the back of the chair at church. I could have borrowed money to see the movie, but the problem was I needed to get back to the church before they locked it up, so. . .I missed the movie, but I DID get back in time to get my purse. At that point, I figured God was trying to tell me to just go home and get some rest, so I did.

On Monday I had volunteered to deliver flowers to the shut-ins from the service on Sunday. I had 5 people to visit in Wake Forest. I love doing things like that!! I only got to talk to 2 of them, the others were out, or sleeping, but hopefully I'll get to do it again soon. I grabbed lunch at McDonald's because I knew if I waited until I got home to eat, I'd be nauseous,(I'm sort of figuring out how these chemo reactions occur), took a 2 hr. power nap and then off for after school tutoring until 5.

I went to bed feeling fine, but Tuesday a.m. was not good. I woke up so dizzy. I was able to get up and feed the cats breakfast, but immediately laid down on the sleeper sofa. I was extremely dizzy all day. I couldn't open my eyes at all or the room would just spin. I called Steve, my neighbor and asked him if he'd come over and warm up some spaghetti for lunch for me, he did and then at dinner time his wife, Allison came over and made me some chicken and rice. At 8p.m. I'd had enough so I called it a day. I didn't know if I was suffering from the chemo or if I'd picked up a virus. I had visited with my friend, Sherry G. on the Wed. before and she called me during tutoring on Monday to see how I was doing. Apparently about an hour after I left, she came down with the flu. She was so afraid I would get sick. So the dizziness could have been the flu or chemo, who knew? I decided to wait and call Rex Cancer Center on Wed. a.m. if I was still dizzy. I woked up Tues. night about 11:30,(I'm surprised that I could sleep at all. I literally slept almost all day Tuesday), and I wasn't dizzy anymore. I felt tired, but fine. I laid in bed a little while longer and then at 2 a.m. my tummy was growling so loudly that it woke me up. I got up fixed dinner and watched TV until 3:30 and then went back to bed until 6a.m. I felt like I'd had the flu for a couple of days on Wed. but I was able to go to dinner at church, teach G.A.'s, and go to choir practice that evening. On Thur. I felt like my old self until about 3 p.m. and then all of a sudden I was exhausted. I laid on the couch until 6:30, then went to Impromptu practice until 9. I must have caught my third wind by time I got home, because I couldn't fall asleep until 1a.m. but that's ok. Now today, I'm playing catch up. The phone keeps ringing off the wall, so I'm not even dressed yet and it's already 10:30, but I'm not going anywhere and I have all day to get everything done. I needed to get this blog done so you could all see how things are going.
Everybody is always asking me how I'm doing and when I'm going to blog next. It would probably be easier to blog twice and week, but there never seems to be enough time to get everything done. I don't know how I did everything when I was working! The days are gone before I know it.

I apologize for the length of the blog this time. It wasn't even interesting, but that's what's been going on. Maybe I'll have more interesting stuff next time, but don't count on it.

why is it???

Hey Gang,
I just called Shannon to see if they had eaten all of the egg casserole that I made for them last week. The dish I baked it in is exactly the size that fits my toaster oven so I don't have to use the regular oven. She said they had and so now I have to run over to their place and get it so I can throw together the egg casserole and bake it tonight before I go to bed so I'll have it for this weekend and next week in case I don't feel like cooking. It's hard to believe that I'm having chemo treatment# 3 tomorrow. We're halfway through!!

I titled this post, "Why is it", because when I was trying to figure out what time I'd be getting to their apt., I mentioned going out to lunch with the girls, (they're both off today), and Shannon suggested that we go get bagels instead this a.m. I'm in the middle of baking brownies so I can't leave for another 45 minutes(which is why I'm blogging. I figure I only have 45 min. so how long can this blog be?) so every since she's mentioned the bagels, my mind won't stop thinking about them. Why is that?? I haven't had bagels from a bagel shop since I had the surgery in June. I love them!! Someone sent me 13 bagels from Panera (3 kinds of cream cheese included), when the church people were all trying to fix meals for me. I felt so bad. My freezer was full from other people's loving gestures, and there was no way that I could possibly eat 13 bagels, ( I thought about trying it, but decided against it), so I gave 5 bagels to friends, 4 to my neighbors, which still left me four, and believe me they were delicious!! Oh, phone's ringing, be right back. . .

Shannon just called. I find this amazing. Shannon called to say that Katie asked her to go out to Wake Tech now, and so breakfast has now been changed back to lunch. That's not what's amazing, what's amazing is that Shannon said that Katie was text messaging her from the her bedroom. when they live in the same apt. Why wouldn't she just open her bedroom door, walk across the living room, and talk to Shannon? I personally don't like receiving text messages, and I don't believe I've ever text messaged anyone. I find them annoying and would much rather hear a person's voice. When I was in the hospital, the girls added voice mail to my cell phone. I didn't even have voice mail, because I don't think it's necessary. I think we have here what's called a generation gap on my part. I just can't seem to get tech savvy yet.

I should share with you why the girls are going out to Wake Tech this a.m. Shannon called me yesterday and said that Wake Tech had contacted them and told them that they were receiving a scholarship for the Hotel/Restaurant Management Program that they're both in. She didn't know how much it was for, but apparently they give out 5 scholarships and both girls got one. I think that's super, but strange that both of them would receive it at the same time, God works in mysterious ways!

Oh, by the way, the concert we provided at church Saturday night was a blast!! It was so much fun! I'm hoping we'll do more concerts in the future and more often. Everybody had such a good time. We taught them some new songs and sang some of their favorites. It was so freeing. I don't know how else to describe it. The Holy Spirit was just free to speak to people without time constraints, programs, announcements, it was just voices being raised up in praise and worship to Him. I wish Sundays could be more like that. I think the new services will be. One can only hope. I went to Applebee's with Sheri Knight and her family afterwards, and it was nice. Thanks Sheri for inviting me, we definitely don't see enough of each other, so thanks!

On Sunday, it was Homecoming, 176 years!! What a testimony! Sometimes I wonder if the people who have prepared the way before us, would be pleased with all that we've done at New Hope, or would they feel like we dropped the ball along the way. We've had many "dramas" at New Hope which have caused many people to leave throughout the years. Whenever I question God about it, He reminds me that sometimes He has to sort out His church in order for His plans to continue, so . . .I figure who's there now, is who God is still using for His Kingdom work, and that He will always be bringing new people in, bringing some people home, and pulling some people to other places that need them more. You never know when God's going to move you and plant you someplace else, you just need to be willing to go. That's all He asks of any of us. Are you where you need to be, or is God telling you to let go of your plans, and walk in His?
Obedience to Him is everything. It's really all that He requires of us, and just look at what He gives us in return!! It blows my mind at times!

Well, 45 minutes are up, my brownies are calling my name. More another time. . .

it's hurricane season. . .

Hey Everybody,
Well, hurricane Hanna hit last night. I've been listening to it rain since about 1a.m. My ceiling is leaking in the living room a little bit, and it's still raining outside. The weather people are saying that it's going to rain until about 10a.m. We're being hit by the outer band of the hurricane and within the next couple of hours the middle of the storm should be over us. By noon the storm should be over and it's going to be about 83 degrees here today. Works for me! It's too wet outside for the outdoor cats to eat breakfast but by noon it should be ok. They're probably all underneath the house sleeping still. The winds are blowing about 25-30mph so they're asking people to stay in and I guess some trees are down and some people have lost their power but we're ok.

My cat, Skittles(the big, fat white one), has diarrhea. He's able to make it to the litter box, thank goodness, but he's had it for about 4 days now. I think it's getting better. A friend suggested I give him plain yogurt. I started giving him vanilla yogurt, but then she said, "No, it has to be plain, no flavoring!" Makes sense, it's just my "chemo brain" doesn't always register things now that are common sense. It can be frustrating at times to get things mixed up but it is what it is.

I think he's been eating this artificial flower arrangement that my Mom Morgan sent home with Alan. It's beautiful but anything plant-like and the cats will eat it! I had it sitting on the dining room table and I've noticed bits and pieces of flowers on the floor around the table area. Hopefully, I won't have to take him to the vet. We'll see. he's still acting normal and he's still drinking his water, so maybe we can dodge a bullet this time. Whenever he uses the litter box, I just grab him and wipe his rear end with a warm washcloth. I can't get it all, but I can get most of it. Poor baby!! If he'd just leave the flowers alone, but he won't. I've moved it and put it on top of the TV where he can't reach it anymore. It's worse than having to baby proof your house! Stupid cat!! Why can't he just eat bugs like other cats? No, he's sees a plant and it's lunch time.

He's not crazy about the non-flavored yogurt, but I put it on his treats and he can't resist. He's gotta have his treats! Again, stupid cat. He's not that smart, but Buttons, he's smart! He acts like he understands everything you say to him. He's always been like that. We were able to teach him to fetch straws when he was little and it's still his favorite game. He may be 17 years old, but show him a straw and he goes wild. He'll leap through the air, just to try and catch it. It's fun watching him. He eats some plants, but he hasn't touched the flower arrangement, but if it was a real flower arrangement, he'd chew all the leaves off of it and then knock the vase over trying to pull the stems out to chew on. He's no better than Skittles, he just is smart enough to know the difference between the real thing and fake. Smart cat vs. not so smart cat!

Shannon loves Buttons, she tolerates Skittles. I love both of them and wouldn't trade either one of them. Buttons loves to climb up your neck and lay across the back of it rubbing his face into your head and shoulders. Skittles loves to cuddle up on your chest area, suck his paw like a baby, and then he falls asleep up against your neck. He's a cuddle bunny. He's gotten a little bit better about giving you some space when you're trying to sleep, though. He will lay on the side of the bed snoring, (yes he snores and quite loudly, I might add),but then the girls tell me I snore. Didn't know that but people who snore don't know that they do, because they're sleeping, DUH!! It must not be too loud because nobody else has ever told me I snore. Alan never mentioned it while we were married, and he should know. Well, if I do, Skittles and I will just keep each other company. His snoring doesn't bother me, and my snoring must not bother him. What a pair we make!!

Well, I need to get things done around the house this a.m. before I need to leave this afternoon for practice. More later. . . May God be lifted up and glorified through the concert tonight. Pray for people who come who might not have a home church or who's heart may just be hurting and the songs could remind them of how much God loves them in spite of their circumstances. That's what tonight is all about. Praise and worship to Him. I love You, Lord!!

Has it been a week already?

Where does the time go? I had dinner with the kids Friday night. Katie did turn out to make a fantastic beef roast dinner. My strawberry shortcake was a hit, too! We sat around and chatted at the table for a little bit after dinner and then made a quick run to Target. All in all, I had fun with them. It doesn't always go that way. Sometimes I feel like we eat dinner, and then we leave, but not this time. They told some pretty funny stories from work and Katie got to see how much little hair I have left. I haven't really lost too much more since last week, which surprises me because I thought I'd be pretty much bald by now but there's still a few strands left. My wig is still coming in handy.

Sunday I had a migraine all day. I took Excedrin after church and tried to lay down hoping it would help but it was after 5 p.m. before it got better. We had a storm front move through the area, which explains the headache. I was pretty much exhausted after suffering all day, so I called it a day early and hoped Monday would be better.

Monday, some friends and I got together and watched movies at Cassandra's place. We watched "The Pacifier" and "Daddy Daycare". If you haven't seen them, they're both funny movies. We enjoyed them. I couldn't find any movies that we haven't seen yet, so I brought the old standbys.
Tuesday I picked up Shannon at 10:30a.m. Nick took her car for the day so it could be inspected and she had someone she needed to interview for a position at work, so she asked if I could take her. No problem, I have no life right now,(ha! ha!). We grabbed lunch from the food court and took it back so Katie could join us. Again, it was fun spending time with my girls.

Wed. was all church stuff. I DID remember to go to tutoring. We had enough volunteers so I didn't really tutor anyone but next week we'll get some kids back and we'll need everybody. At dinner I sat with Carlton Jones. I asked him if we could do lunch on Thursday and he agreed. G.A.'s started this week with 9 girls present(hopefully we'll have more), and we discussed the G.A. sleepover. You can't have G.A.'s and not have a sleepover. It was great to have Shelly back. We're planning the sleepover for Oct.3 because on Saturday a.m. we have Operation Sharing Hope, and the girls can take the calendars that we're making to our shut-ins. It's hard to get the girls involved in Operation Sharing Hope if we don't have the sleepover the night before. The parents just don't bother bringing them, so. . . sleepover time!!

The only problem with the sleepover is the timing. I will have a chemo treatment on that Friday a.m. They have to give me Benadryl during the treatment,(see previous blogs), and it DOES tend to make me a little sleepy. I'll finish around 2:30-3p.m. so if I can come home and take a nap,(I haven't been able to do that yet), I should be okay. I won't have to be there until 6p.m. and I have a high energy level for a couple of days after my treatment because of the steroids I take before, during, and after. We don't pull an all nighter at these sleepovers, but we do wait to start the movie at 11 or 11:30p.m. so that at 12:30 or 1 a.m. the girls are ready to sleep all night. If we start it too early, they get their third wind, and nobody goes to sleep. We're up all night telling them to be quiet, lay still, go to sleep, etc. If we can stay up until 12:30-1a.m., everybody goes right to sleep and we don't hear a peep out of anyone until we wake them up in the morning. I can work with that! I just can't function the next day if I've been up all night long, plus we'll be visiting the shut-ins the next day, and grumpy G.A.'s or G.A. leaders would not be good! We'll see. . .

Thursday, I had lunch at Applebee's here in Knightdale with Carlton. We had fun catching up with each other. He misses Annie a lot, but he's doing okay. I told him we definitely will have lunch again soon. He's so sweet, I enjoy spending time with him. I spent the rest of the day trying to get my stupid printer to work. I've replaced the inkjet cartridges and have been having problems every since. For some unknown reason the computer can't seem to communicate to the printer to print. I've unplugged everything, rebooted everything, and still it won't work. I've even gone online with HP tech support and after several suggestions, they have told me to take it to a HP service center but have advised me that it would probably be cheaper to just start over with a new printer. That was my suggestion to them from the beginning. I don't have the money this month to buy a new printer, but I can probably afford one next month. I've just had some extra expenses already this month and I can live without a printer for a month. I wonder if Cartridge World would let me return the inkjet cartridges that I've purchased since I've never been able to get them to print? It's worth a phone call. . .

Today,(Friday) I'm back to having a headache from the Hurricane front that's coming in. I didn't have one this a.m so I was able to put the RainX on my windshield, and vacuum out the car like I've been procrastinating doing all week. Plus, Animal Control came by and warned me again about the ferral cats that I feed outside. This is the same guy who came last fall. He's a complete waste of my time. Last fall he said don't feed them for a couple of days and he never showed up, so I started feeding them again. He finally called a month later. In the end, a woman came out and helped us capture 3 of the 7 ferral cats around here. He won't catch them 2 weeks from now when he says he's going to come. Last time he caught 3 raccoons and 2 possums, but no cats. The cats I feed are wild. They could care less about his meat. They're hunters. I feed them because I like having them around. I've had no snakes, mice or spiders in the last 3 years because of the cat population. I've applied for the $20 spay/neuter program here in the area. I automatically am accepted because I'm on Medicaid. They'll send me the name of a vet here in the area connected with the program and I'll haul the three female ferral cats in and get them taken care of so that there aren't anymore kittens born underneath my house, then if animal control catches them, great, if not, I won't have to worry anymore. Whatever. . .you know what I mean. Life is too short to mess with them right now.

Tomorrow is Saturday. Finally, the night of our concert. I'm so excited! We had practice last night from 7-10p.m. and we sounded so good. I was surprised. I think the congregation is going to love the new service scheduled for Sept. 21. If you don't mind getting a little wet(thanks to hurricane Hannah), we'd love to have you join us for a praise and worship service at 6 p.m. at New Hope Baptist Church(mini city area). You don't need to know the songs. Some of the songs we're singing are brand new to our congregation, so come on in and learn them with us. It's so special when God's body of believers get together and just sing songs of worship to Him. We'd love to have you!

Sunday is Homecoming at New Hope. S.S. starts at 9:30 and there's a combined service at 10:30 for everyone with dinner afterwards. We're celebrating 176 years. That 's quite a testimony for those Christians who came before us. We've not had a Pastor now for 2 years, (we've had interims, but no Pastor), and yet New Hope has stayed the course. We're doing more outreach than we ever have. We have Upward Basketball, ESL/after school tutoring, Angel Food Ministries, and we're getting geared up to start a Divorce Care group soon. So inspite of the fact that we've had no big leader to guide us, the work has continued. God is faithful!! Most people at New Hope have such servant hearts, I'm proud to say that I'm part of this body of believers. I've already told in previous blogs how much the church is supporting right now. At last count I have over 130 cards plastering my bedroom walls now, with more coming in each week. They still continue to pay any bills I take in and the prayer support is amazing. I'm humbled by their love for me. I don't deserve it, but I wrap myself up in the knowledge of it!!

That's what happened in a week's time. You've probably had just as busy of a week. I'll try and blog more mid-week next week. I have my third(we're half-way there), treatment on Friday. I'll spend Wed/Thur. preparing meals for the following week and getting everything else done so I won't have to worry about anything the week after my treatment. Hopefully I'll feel as good this time as I did the last time. I told Shannon that the only thing that bothered me was that I needed to take all the medications for a longer period of time, and I don't like taking meds at all. But she reminded me that the meds are what allowed me to feel normal last time and that's what they're there for. I AM grateful that they all worked last time. I can't really say that I suffered any effects at all. Any effects that I felt, were gone 5 minutes after taking the medications. I just worry that I'm taking too many of them, but Shannon told me that there's no way I could take too many. Sometimes she's a lot smarter than I am, obviously. I'm just not one to pop pills for days on end, but with chemo I think you have to. At least I'm still functioning, and that counts for a whole lot.

As usual, this blog is way too long. Hopefully you didn't fall asleep from boredom. More another time. . .



the medications.