death, and more death. . .

This week has been a long week. Monday I went to Blueridge Healthcare Center and visited with Annie and Carlton Jones. Annie has cancer and has been given 2-4 months to live. She decided to try starving and thirsting herself to death. She's so afraid of dying of cancer. She took care of her mother and sister who both died of cancer many years ago. I told her that she didn't want to die from dehydration or starvation. I convinced her to try her first frappechino and throw in a peanut butter cookie on the side. She drank all the strawberry frappi and downed the cookie as well. Carlton and I went to McDonald's for lunch while Annie had hers. We talked for a quite a while and then we went back over and I visited with both of them for a few more hours. On Thursday I got a call from our Associate Pastor, JoAnne Stancil that Annie had almost died that afternoon and that she only had a couple more hours to live and Carlton needed me to come. I fed the cats, changed my work clothes and went to be with them. Carlton had gone to dinner with their son, Alan and so I talked to the hospice nurse, Theresa, while Annie rested. She had several visitors and she was very alert but extremely tired. I stayed until about 8:30 and then left, grabbed dinner at Panera's and then went home and crashed. On Friday a.m. my sister called to tell me that my Uncle Ken had died. He had Alzheimer's for years, but physically was fine. Apparently he began having seizures and died Thursday night during one of the seizures. I had promised Carlton I would stop by and check in with them after work if he didn't call me before then. I got to the nursing home and the door was closed. I asked a nurse why the door was closed and she said the CNA was probably working with Annie. I waited outside the door and then the CNA came out but he left the door opened a crack and I could see Annie and something was not right. He closed the door and then another nurse asked if I was family and I said, "No, just a good friend of the family." She told me to go and wait in lobby for the family to return because it would be a while before I could see Annie. I went to the lobby, but something seemed wrong. I went out to my car and called the church office to see if there was a new report on Annie for today. Wanda said Faith had visited with Annie that morning and she was still bad, but doing a little better. I decided I'd go home, call Carlton and then go back over if he needed me to. I really just wanted to go home and crash. When I got home two people from church called to say Annie had died around 4 that afternoon. I was there at 4:10. I think she had just died before I got there. My neighbors invited me over for dinner, but I declined their offer and asked for a rain check instead. I no sooner sat down to eat the pizza I had picked up on the way home, and Sheri called asking if I could come and help pack up Kira and Andrew's stuff. Kira had decided to leave Steve was he was away in Las Vegas gambling over the weekend. How could I refuse?? I took two bites of pizza and went to Kira's. We packed until 11:45. I got in bed at 12:30 and slept until 6a.m. when the cats wanted to be fed, fed every cat and went back to bed until 9. Carlton called and asked if I could come over. I showered, went to Carlton's, we cried together and then his son, Alan came and while they were away making the funeral arrangements, I cleaned the house. I had just finished when they got back. I came home, fixed lunch, watched a little TV and then went to work from 2:30-5:30, ran errands, then crashed on the couch all evening. This morning my body didn't want to move. I did sing with the choir and then joined Nancy Langdon and Nelson at Boston Market for lunch.
I got a two hour nap in today, went to the Aids Care Team meeting and now I'm home for the evening.
I'll only work 1/2 day tomorrow. The funeral is at 2 at New Hope. I'll be there. I miss Annie terribly!! I looked forward to our Monday a.m. chats once a month. I was her outside line to the church. She went to S.S. when she was able but staying for church became too much for her. She'd be waiting at the kitchen table eating her breakfast, working on her crossword puzzle that was in the newspaper and we'd chat for about 45min-1 hour. She always wanted to know how the girls and Nick were doing. We'd talk about how she was feeling and then we talked about stuff that mattered to her. She was a real spit fire, but she also was a sweetheart when she wanted to be. She was an encourager to me for many years while I was a single parent. She always made me feel like life was going to be OK and that I was doing the best job that I could possibly do. I loved my little Annie.
Friday was a long, hard emotional day. Last night I spent 30 minutes after my shower, just sobbing. My heart felt so broken! I grieved the loss of my Dad, for Betty and all that she's going through, for Carlton, for Kira, Sheri, Jim, Andrew, for my Aunt Bertie and Ann and Christy and the days ahead for them. . .I was so sad. I just climbed into Jesus' lap and stayed there until I couldn't cry anymore and then I praised God for this love for me and for all of them in spite of all the pain we were all experiencing. After all the bad news I had heard on Friday, I just needed to hear one piece of good news and Cindy Bordeaux said, " God loves you! That's the good news that you need to remember today!" She was absolutely right! Because of God's love for us, we can face anything here on Earth. Today might have been bad news, but God was with me along the way and He still is. AMEN