blessings

When I got the news of my Dad's lung cancer, I thought the world was never going to be the same, but I realized in the past couple of weeks, that my knowing has been a blessing in disguise. Several people I know have lost one of their parents in the past couple of weeks without any warning at all. By knowing of my Dad's condition I'm now able to realize that I have so little precious time left to see him here on earth. If I didn't know, I'd have continued on staying busy and not taking advantage of some time off to visit with him. He means so much to me. How will I face it when the time comes and I have to say goodbye for the last time.? Lord, give me the strength to keep going and thanks for letting me know how little time I have left to spend with him. Help me to let go when the time finally comes.
He's survived the first round of treatments this time, but he feels so awful that he thinks he's dying and that he's never going to feel good again. The doctors have assured him that this is not the case, but he doesn't believe them. He's forgotten how it feels to live a normal life and not feel so sick all the time. It's kind of like when I was pregnant with Katie and I had the blues one day. I was three weeks overdue with her and Alan came home and found me in the nursery sitting in the rocking chair crying my eyes out. I knew I was going to be pregnant forever and that the baby was never going to come out of me. It of course sounds so unrational now, but back then, that's exactly how I felt. I couldn't remember not being pregnant and feeling so big and uncomfortable. That's how it is with my Dad right now. He doesn't remember what normal feels like. It's so depressing. I'll be going home to visit him in a couple of weeks if the weather cooperates. It helped Dad and Betty both when I visited them in Nov. at Thanksgiving so hopefully I can renew their hope when I visit this time. It's been a long road for them. I know they're so tired and can't see the light at the end of this dark tunnel, but it's there, they just need to trust and hang in there. Easier said than done, I know.

I told the girls that I wanted to spend some mother/daughter time together and their suggestion was going out for the Hurricanes hockey game. At first I thought, no way, it's not exactly what I had in mind, but I realized now that it was their way of involving me in something that Nick has taught them to enjoy. It was nice of them to want to include me. Now it seems, we all have hair salon appt. on Feb. 10 at their salon, called Blo. I'm so not into hair and makeup but Katie is and it's really nice of them to include me. It's just so not me! I could care less about what my hair looks like, but Katie and Shannon are so excited about what Blo can do for me. We'll see. . . there's only so much they can work with. . .my ideal day would have been window shopping and then lunch or maybe a long walk where we could talk and then a picnic at a park. Obviously we have different ideas here. Whatever, it's the time spent with them that counts, not what we're doing. Maybe Blo will perform a miracle so to speak, who knows? Maybe I'll look terrific! That would be a self-esteem booster! Gotta run. . .