life settles down eventually. . .

Wow, to say that I survived 2008 is an understatement. What a year!! I thought losing my Dad in January was the hardest thing that I'd have to face in 2008 but in June, being diagnosed with ovarian cancer that had spread to other parts, was devastating!! It turned my whole world upside down and I'm still trying to recover in 2009. The oncologist said that it would be June of 2009 before I'd feel normal again. We'll see. . .

I started this year feeling worse than I felt during my chemo treatments and not understanding why. My neighbor, Allison, talked to me last weekend and put everything into perspective for me and everything that she said made sense. She said that I felt good during the treatments because of the steroids that they kept pumping through me. The problem is, that when I get tired, I don't have the steroids to "rebuild" my body. My body has to do all the work itself and if I don't get enough rest or push myself too hard, there's nothing for my body to "rebuild" with. Now when I get exhausted during the day, all I can do is stop and rest. I don't have any other choices. My body won't keep going. I either get a headache or I get nauseous when I overdue, but if I stop and lay down, within the hour, I feel fine and then I can continue with what I was doing. This is so hard for me to deal with. I've never felt tired my whole entire life. Even during the treatments, it was only on the 3rd and 4th day after the treatments that I laid around. After that, I felt fine and just waited for the next round. Now. . .everyday is a challenge. I'm able to work in the a.m. but it's a given that I need to nap before I try and do anything else that day. Hopefully, with time, this will get better. I'm sure it will. The oncologist is surprised that I've gone back to work at all, but working in the a.m. is fine, I really need to try and get back some normalcy to my life, and this is one way of doing that. Not to mention, I need the the income to stay afloat.

What am I looking forward to in 2009? More time with the girls and Nick. . .work settling down to normal. . .maybe even doing something different or maybe in a different capacity. . .time spent in Indiana with family. . .time spent with friends. . .maybe finding out that I'm to be a grandmother soon. . .not feeling tired. . .all my hair growing back(it's growing but I've a long way to go.) Right now it looks like Demi Moore did in "GI Jane". That's how short it is. It's only been growing for 2 weeks now and I actually had to shave the other day, so . . .here's to the future. . .being able to help others as much as they helped me in 2008. . .bringing more people to Christ and sharing with them what a difference He can make in their life. . .being able to help other people who are struggling with cancer . . .allowing God to use last year for His glory!